Gord's Guide to Pronoucing Names of Places in Malaysia like a Mat Salleh

Will this be the product of PPSMI?

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The pronunciation guide is to be pronounced in English(Using common English Referral words)

Selangor = Slang-Or
Perak = Per-Rake
Kedah = Cat-Duh
Johor = Joe-Whore
Kelantan = Cal-Lan-Tan
Sabah = Sub-Bar
Sarawak = Sell-Raw-Wok
Terengganu = Tear-Ring-Gun-You
Perlis = Per-List
Pahang = Pay-Hang

Kuala Lumpur = Cold-Are-Lay Lump-Pour
Petaling Jaya = Pet-Tile-Link Jay-Yeah
Subang Jaya = Sub-Bang Jay-Yeah
Ipoh = Yip-Pour
Seremban = Sir-Ram-Ban
Kuantan = Cold-And-Tan
Batu Pahat = Bet-U Pay-Hard
Gua Musang = Go-Ah Must-Sang
Kota Bahru = Caught-A Bar-Roo
Alor Setar = Aye-Law Sat-Ah
Kuching = Cooch-Ching
Kota Kinabalu = Caught-A Kind-A-Bear-Loo
Kluang = Clue-Wank
Sandakan = Sand-The-Can
Cheras = Cher(like the Singer)-Ass
Sungai Petani = Sung-Gay Pat-A-Knee
Putrajaya = Putt-Tray-Jay-Yeah
Pulau Langkawi = Pull-Out Length-Car-Wee
Pekan = Peck-Ant
Segamat = Saggy-Mat
Pontian = Pond-Shayne