Gord's Guide to Air Asia Safety Information

This is the front of the Air Asia safety information sheet.

-You can't light cigarettes here.
-Do not have sex in the toilet while smoking.
-Cellphone, TV and Radio must not be placed together.

-Fasten the belt
-Then tighten it.
-Immediately after tightening it, you can unfasten it coz you don't really need it.

Do not place yellow suitcase next to the exit door. These doors hates yellow suitcases.

Check out those luggages above and below your seat; keep a watchful eye on them at all time.
The retractable table is so awesome, you can flip it up or down. Try it.

The Mask will come down.
Woman gets to put on the mask first. Children can wait.

-There's something really cool under your seat. -Take out the float and wear it over you.
-Pull it before you jump into the water.
-Immediately when you're in the water, blow the whistle as loud as you can to annoy others.

Let the float miraculously wrap about your baby. You don't have to attend your baby as it automatically done by itself.

This is the back of the Air Asia safety information sheet.

This plane is so awesome, it can land on the sea.
This plane is so awesome, it can land on rough terrain.

If you wear seatbelt, don't smoke.

If you have a blue suitcase and a red highheel, you can't use the exit.

Only when you hear someone say "Brace!" twice from the speaker, only then you can do the following.
-Women must put their face into their handbags
-Men can either hold on to the seat or kiss their knees.

If you see smoke, crawl.
If the exit door is close, there's always a seat you can sit down next to it if you plan to die on the plane.

Women open the door first because 'Ladies First', Men shall subsequently slide down before any women do so.

Women are so muscular, they can peel the windows off.

Forget about everyone else right after you open the window, go out first; say sayonara to the other dying passengers.
Do slide down in the right direction.

-If the evacuation is done on land, everyone gets out fine.
-If the evacuation is done on water, everyone will drown (see? No sign of any human on the water)