Gord’s Guide to Toilet Tiles

How do you choose the best tiles design (texture, graphic and colors) for your toilet (Wall and Floor)?
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How?

Preparation:

Prior to the analysis, make sure you have no sense of urgency to excrete or urinate. Do also make sure that you are mentally free from stress. The physical and mental states during the process of analysis will affect the result.

Follow these steps:

FIRST- Get your tile samples (from Contractor or Tile Supplier or Interior Designer). The sample can be the actual tile itself or the graphic representation of the tile.

SECOND- Place your tile samples facing you; One piece vertically and another flat on the ground. This is done to simulate a wall tile and a floor tile.

THIRD- Sit Straight Up or Squat Down facing your sample depending on your toilet habit.

FORTH - Stare intensely onto the tiles. Concurrently, concentrate intensely on your bowel and bladder movement. Do exert a force on yourself to excrete or urinate.

FIFTH- Take different samples: Mix and match, then repeat from Second Step until you find the satisfactory result.
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Result Analysis

If you don’t feel any different, you’re probably having the wrong tiles.

If you feel a little bowel movement and tingling senses to excrete at the opening of your anus,
OR a little piss-drip in your pants: your tile design is almost comfortable.

If you feel a heavy bowel and bladder movement and feel like going to the toilet to do the remaining of your business; that’s a pretty good tile design.

If you shat or piss in your pants; look no further, THAT’S DEFINITELY YOUR DESIGN.

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Why?

A good toilet tile design is the one that gives you the best inducing environment to do your toilet business (shit and piss).

Reason: If you’re not reading/sing/whistling, you’ll be spending a lot of time staring blankly at any random object. Tiles are most available object around for you.
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Alternative Things to Do while you Take your Dump (other than reading/singing/whistling/listen to music)

-COUNT TILES. (Conventional single skip 1,2,3 or double skip 2,4,6 or exponential 1,2,4,16, 256, 65536)

-TILES KEYBOARD: Hum the rhythm of your favorite songs; and tap the nearest tiles you can reach as if they were the key on your keyboard that plays that rhythm.

-MENTAL MAZE GAME: Treat the boundary line of the tile as your path. Pick one starting point and one end point. Find all the fastest/shortest way to get from one point to another point.

-MENTAL PICTURE DRAWING: Mentally picture a diagram you wish to form from your tiles via Lego fixing method.

-TOILET TILES TETRIS: Play mental Tetris game with the tiles. This is one hardcore memory game.

-SUMMON THE DRAGON: No, there are no dragons in your tiles (unless you picked one which has dragons). Use your mental energy and concentrate intensely into a piece of tile until a dragon appear from it. To do this, you have to believe that you can summon a dragon from the tile.

These activities are subjected to the size of the tiles. If you're using 2ftx2ft tiles in a 12sqft toilet, you might as well just play SUMMON THE DRAGON, as it only require 1 tile.